LOVE, LOSS and CONNECTION

My father died yesterday and today I am contemplating Love, Loss and Connection. 

Love, Loss and Connection.

These words and like the spokes on the wheel of life. The wheel of life turns around and around with the spokes holding it together, preventing the collapse. Love, Loss and Connection are the driving force that gives life meaning. These elements are vital for our existence. Loss, I have discovered, is as crucial as love and connection. Through loss, we learn about release, self-discovery, and the profound depth of our bond to others.

My father was a practical man. He was unadorned and the only jewellery he owned was a wedding ring which he never wore, and I don't even know where it has gone. So today I sit here in his alpaca jumper, feeling connected to him on some level. I guess I am writing about this as a tribute to him in some way, but also as a love letter to me and reminder to you that it is ok for someone you love to die. My father was an old man so there is comfort in that, and I understand it is different when death comes too early. But it is ok to let our loved ones go, and they actually need us to allow their passing. It is not scary, and it is something that we should talk about as in our culture it is often swept under the mat, as is too confronting and uncomfortable to be discussed. I used to be scared of dying too but I am not anymore. I have been in the presence of death with both my parents and realise it is an honour to experience death of a loved one so intimately. There is nothing to be scared of as we are so much more than our physical body, and this is something that is so very clear when you are present with the dead. My father was no longer in the shell of his body after he died. His body was like an avatar, a suit chosen for him to wear in this lifetime, so when the time came, he stepped out of his suit and went back to where he came from, to join my mother, their spirits entwined. 

I am a romantic and think deeply about life. And what I have come to understand is that I am no longer afraid of dying, and I am learning to accept that I am growing older each day and one day will hopefully grow to be an old woman, and that time will come faster than I realise. But there is one thing I am afraid of, and that is not living and not allowing my true self to shine. That scares me more than anything. I am trying to allow my true self to shine but as a crab (Cancerian) I find myself often going sideways rather than forward. So perhaps, with the passing of my father I will grow even more brave and bold and determined to keep moving forward! I think loss does that to us doesn't it? It makes us more determined to live! So, my darlings, live life as all of it is truly miraculous! Allow yourself to shine and do not be afraid as there is nothing to fear!

Sending you all love. Tonya xx